Winter 2011/2012 Contest!

Remember this old jpeg? Remember when it meant there was a contest happening? What fun.

Guess what? It means the same thing right now! So, here is the prompt, fresh from the search keywords used to find this very site:


absolute dissection

As always, any bloggable form is acceptable: short stories, photos, comics, songs, etc. Email me your entries. The winning entry will be published here, and you will win a box of amazing from tryharderland.

DEADLINE: Jan 5, 2012 January 23, 2012

Who cares about books? Let's look at deformed heads!

So, how did you find my blog? Did you Google an author and find one of my reviews? Perhaps you followed a link from another site touting my awesomeness. Maybe you even looked for me after we met somewhere.

Or, maybe, like the people below, you just poured your heart out to the internet and got stuck with me (search terms in bold):

makeminebig.com- Do not send money! It will not work!
in exile, self-imposed- Yes, there are many lessons about creating this condition on tryharder. How to relieve it, not so much.
short excitement stories- The short ones are my favorite.
deformed head- Hmm…
deformed heads- Urr…
deformed heads pic- Just heads, or would you be fine with something else?
deformed head picture- Oh, ok. Deformed heads it is.
pictures of deformed heads- No need to get all fancy and use a phrase; you still won’t find such pictures here. Try Morbid Anatomy.
deformed brain picture- Well, that’s a whole nother thing…
adults with deformed heads pictures- I think pictures of children with deformed heads would be much cuter. No? Ok.
i think my head is deformed- You think? Be decisive.
i have a deformed head- That’s better.
i was born with deformed head, can i find love?- You are obviously not the only one. That’s something at least!
take deformed pictures- Here’s a thought: how about you take a normal picture of a deformed head? Lots of folks are looking for those.
how to surprise a gal- Maybe with a pic of a deformed head? They are very popular right now.
child bottoms voyeur- This is why Germans have a bad reputation.
shaved from head to toe- This is why New Zealanders should.
school quotes to make you work harder or try harder- How about “We don't pay anything, but you'll get a byline!”
how do i get my child to try harder- See above.
pray on my ass- hott.
what are in a nerds vocabulary?- Start with subject/verb agreement and go from there.
stories of strip tease contest- Those types of stories are full of drama.
frankenhooker where is my- … Garter belt? Chainsaw? Face?
how to try harder to make love better- I’m not sure that Googling is the best first step for this.

Fun with keywords

Some recent searches from now-disappointed googlers:
snot machine- for work and play!
newbuddies sex- if you can't have sex with new buddies, who can you have sex with?
how to apply fabulon- duh, you just have to click here.
lucy knisley nude- not here, but maybe here...
how to pray for my ass- Been there.
prayer try harder- Obviously, you are not doing enough self-flagellating
french babes blogspot com.- That's not how you type a url, mon ami.
english questions about a trip- Was there enough tea? How about spotted dick?
details about miss kathy o'brien from monster- She sounds like a bitch.

And finally:
i should try harder- yes, yes you should.

Words and Numbers

Sometimes stats lead you to very nice things. This blog popped up on one of those inexplicable, poorly designed link-collector pages devoted to cadavers because she reviewed Stiff as well. Most of the page was taken up by links to an Australian corpse sex abuse scandal. More Coffee Please is about books, babies and working from/on da home. Canadians don't do corpse abuse! I was once linked to from another of these sites dedicated to popping zits.

I get a lot of hits from my pomade entries including the alarming "threat to murray's pomade" from yesterday. Also from the lame crackhead/Whitney Houston joke I made a million years ago. Many people are looking for pictures of Whitney. Did she do something sad or scary? Get back with Bobby B? Sing?

Many folks looking for hot man on man stories, or those with a yearning to connect come here for "mfm." In tryharderland MFM can only be Maureen F. McHugh, and man action needs no euphemisms.

Recently my nomination by Amy MoonlightAmbulette (she is a nominee too) for a BOB has brought many new folks to here. Hi! Voting begins March 2!

My favorite search so far is this one from the first few months: "leonard lopate anal sex." So simple, so beautiful. I hope you found what you were looking for, hopeful Googler.

Now, I have some regular readers (I know!) that have never stepped foot in the comments. Who are you? Why do you like to tantalize me with your cipherous locations and IP addresses? Now is your chance to make it right, UK reader, LA reader, and whomever else I am leaving out. Make good. Leave comments. That goes for you too.