10 things about food poisoning/stomach flu:
1) You will learn new and exciting things about your body’s capacity to store partially digested food.
2) You may see a half-finished New York Times Sunday crossword in the trashcan, that, as you vomit on it, magically yields new answers so much more easily than when you worked on it three weeks ago.
3) Everyone you tell about your predicament will tell you to stay hydrated and you will want to punch them in the face.
4) All the time off of work will be useless, you will barely be able to focus, much less finish that book.
5) You will cry at least once, possibly in the shower, while vomiting.
6) When questioned about your profanities, you may have to tell the person you have sex with, “I didn’t make it.”
7) In between eruptions, you will barely be able to move and your restless sleep will be plagued with nightmares.
8) The second day seems much better, but only until hunger sets in.
9) You will want to die, but, sadly, you won’t.
10) You will never see Thanksgiving leftovers the same way again.